If you haven’t attended a funeral in the UK before, you might have many questions about what to wear, where to sit and what to say.
We’ve created this guide to take you through some of the most frequently asked questions about funeral etiquette when attending the funeral of a friend or loved one, so you can feel comfortable during the funeral service and the events that follow.
What to wear to a funeral
Smart black clothing is most commonly worn to funerals as it is widely associated with mourning. Usually, the family Will include information about what attire to wear to the funeral as it has become more common for attendees to wear colourful clothing to lighten the mood and symbolise a celebration of life.
Guests usually dress in dark colours. For example, men commonly wear white shirts with a black jacket, tie, trousers and shoes. Women often wear black dresses or suits with smart shoes.
What do you take to a funeral?
Funerals can be a time of sadness but they can also be a celebration of the life of the person that has passed away. There are no set items that you need to take to a funeral but you might want to take the following to make you feel more comfortable:
- Tissues
- Flowers
- Sympathy card for the family
- Money to donate to the chosen charity
- Food if the family has asked for those attending the funeral to bring along something to contribute towards the wake
Who can attend a funeral?
Generally, funerals can be attended by anyone, however, there may be circumstances where the family of the deceased has requested that it be a private ceremony. You Will normally find that the funeral details have been shared publically by the funeral directors, family, friends or on social media.
Do you need time off to attend a funeral? You might also be interested in reading: What is compassionate leave & bereavement leave?
What is a non-attendance/unattended funeral?
In the event that it is an 'unattended funeral', the cremation or burial takes place privately and it isn't witnessed by family or friends of the deceased person. After this has taken place, the family may arrange a memorial service for other family members and friends to attend at a more suitable time.
How many people can attend a funeral?
There is no limit to the number of people that can attend a funeral, but it can be capped by the space available at the funeral location and the permitted number of mourners. Usually, the Funeral directors Will be able to give advice to the bereaved family on the permitted attendance numbers for the venue of funerals or memorial services.
It's not uncommon for attendees to stand if there is no room to sit and also stand outside if there is a large number of people attending.
Are children allowed to attend funerals?
Funerals can be quite distressing for children, especially if they are quite young and are not prepared for what to expect during the service. It is also worth knowing that a funeral service can take a couple of hours from start to end, so children can become bored or disruptive.
In most cases, toddlers and babies do not attend funerals but you can always ask the family and friends of the deceased to give you some guidance.
How long do funerals last?
Each funeral is different, which makes it very difficult to put an exact time on how long an average funeral is, especially as the length can be dependent on the religion, culture and personal requests (usually detailed as part of their Will or funeral plan) of the person that has passed away. Funeral services can last anywhere from 15 minutes for basic ceremonies and last up to 90 minutes for religious-based ceremonies.
Where do you sit at a funeral?
Immediate family, relatives and close friends usually sit in the front rows of a funeral and then other attendees sit in the seats behind. Try not to sit too far away from the front as you may find it hard to hear what is being said during the service.
Do you have to make a donation at a funeral?
Families often either ask for flowers but as a kind gesture, they may ask that funeral attendees make a donation to a chosen charity. You can donate any amount that you like and feel comfortable with.
What happens after the funeral service?
Following the end of the funeral service and the coffin either being lowered into the ground at the burial site or being committed for cremation, family and friends Will then attend the ‘wake’ to show support for each other and share memories of the person that has passed away. This is usually held at a local venue such as the family home, pub or hall.
Details about the wake and its location should be noted in the order of service that you Will be handed when you attend the funeral service.
