Whether you are arranging a funeral for yourself, a loved one or a friend it can be a difficult and emotional time, but for some LGBTQIA+ people, it can be even more difficult to ensure that their wishes and identity are respected correctly.
We've created this guide to give you some things to consider as part of the funeral planning process.
Planning an LGBTQIA+ funeral
As funerals have become more personalised with the introduction of humanist, non-traditional funerals and celebrations of life, we have also seen an increase in funerals that are now personalised for the LGBTQIA+ community.
Sometimes family members may not be aware of the deceased’s sexual orientation or gender identity and in some cases not accept it. This can cause concern for some members of the LGBTQIA+ community, so if you are able to or want to, be as open with your loved ones as possible so that they are aware of your planned funeral arrangements and do not try to change your plans after you’ve passed away.
You could also prefer to keep your personal life private or feel that you are not able to tell your family and friends about being LGBTQIA+ during the funeral and have it explained to them after the event by a person you trust. You can choose to share as little or as much as you feel comfortable during your funeral as it's about what you want.
Find the right funeral director for you
When looking for the right funeral director, it's vital that you find one that you feel comfortable with and who respects your identity and wishes, as they should do with every funeral. It's important to be open and honest about who you are and what you want for your funeral, as doing so Will also help them use the correct pronouns and best advise on how to approach each element of the funeral based on their professional experience.
You could also inform the funeral director if your sexuality or gender identity is public knowledge so that they know whether to keep this private or have your permission to disclose this information with other people included as part of the funeral planning process.
Ways you can personalise your LGBTQIA+ funeral
LGBTQIA+ funerals can include personalisations such as:
- Choosing how you would like to be dressed
- How you would like people attending the funeral to dress - for example, they could wear clothing that includes your favourite colour
- Playing music by LGBTIQA+ artists or musicians
- Picking who you want or do not want to attend the funeral - this can be tricky as funerals are usually a public event
- Providing names and pronouns that would be used for the service, order of services and any other related items
- Holding the service in a favourite place
- Picking the types of flowers and arrangements
If you have a funeral plan in place you can discuss these personalisations with your provider ahead of time so that they are recorded with your plan. If you don’t have a pre-paid funeral plan, you can always create a funeral wishes document that includes your requests as part of your Will to ensure they can be easily found and followed.
Sharing your wishes with the right people at the right time
If you haven’t planned your funeral in advance, your executors Will be responsible for planning your funeral. We recommend that when you write or update your Will, you choose executors that understand and respect your identity to ensure that your wishes are recognised and correctly followed, without any influence from anyone else's personal opinions.
Executors usually make funeral decisions on your behalf, which can include items such as:
- What you are dressed in for the funeral
- The name and pronouns that people use for you
- Invitations to attendees
- Choosing a funeral director
- Choosing the location of the funeral
- Whether your body is cremated or buried
It is worth noting that if you do not name any executors, your family Will usually decide what happens at your funeral which might mean that your wishes as an LGBTQIA+ person are not followed.
Helpful funeral planning guides
For more information on arranging or attending a funeral, see our helpful guides below:
